Regret

I love being a teacher. But, I love being a mother more. Of course, it's possible to be both and in one capacity or another, I think I'll always be both. I start teaching for University of Phoenix on Monday. I can't wait to sit on my physio ball and bounce B on my lap while I type welcome notes to my new students! I'll probably brew a cup of decaf add a splash of vanilla chai creamer (apparently none of my stores are carrying coconut right now), crank Justin Bieber station on Pandora, and get to work "teaching" first thing! I'm actually very much looking forward to exploring my online classroom and "meeting" my students.

Well, Phoenix aside, my real conundrum is my "real" job. Tim and I need to make a descion about how this year looks. School starts in three weeks! Yes, "Fall" comes early here. Here's the thing...it just hit me today (on my way home from the dentist with a VERY numb mouth)...I think I'm scared. Scared I'm going to live with regret; regardless of the choice. I can't exactly quit a teaching job on a whim, so it's pretty much a perma-decision, at least for the next ten months.

I'm scared that if I stay home next year (and teach online a bit), I'll regret losing the financial freedom to do things like buy plane tickets to the Mainland and pay surprise medical bills. I can't envision living across the Pacific and not being able to fly "home" when we need to/want to. That feeling is now compounded due to our recent addition! I'm also scared that I'll regret not trying out this fabulous technology teaching line that I get to design.

The flip side is that I'm scared to work full-time (and teach online a bit). I'm scared (hugely scared) that I'll regret missing moments with Blakely. I'll regret not being able to change all her diapers and clean-up all her spit-up. I'm mostly afraid that the next ten months would fly so fast and I would ache to have had more time with my baby.

There are many more factors. But revelation today is that the root of this decision is the fear of regret.

Hmmm...I wonder if much of life's decisions come down to that in one way or another.

I've been back to Ecclesiastes lately. This is definitely my "comfort" book -- strangely. Maybe these bits will encourage you today too! (oh...and these "bits" aren't the "standard" Ecclesiastes verses, if ya know what I mean ;))

"So I decided there is nothing better than to enjoy food and drink and to find satisfaction in work. Then I realized that this pleasure is from the hand of God. For who can eat or enjoy anything apart from him? God gives wisdom, knowledge, and joy to those who please him." (2:24-26)

"Notice the way God does things; then fall into line. Don't fight the ways of God, for who can straighten out what he has made crooked? Enjoy prosperity while you can. But when hard times strike, realize that both come from God. That way you will realize that nothing is certain in this life." (6:13-14)

"So I recommend having fun, because there is nothing better for people to do in this world than to eat, drink, and enjoy life. That way they will experience some happiness along with all the hard work God gives them.: (8:15)