Finding My Courage (well, trying to)

I shoulda surfed longer. It's so hard to climb back to the courage I used to have when facing the waves.

It may sound cliche, but being a mom sorta changes the game for me. I'm little less gutsy. Should I be?

I miss the days that Tim and I could meet at the beach after work and paddle out together! I mean, I certainly wouldn't trade anything to change this season; I adore sitting in the sand with my babe. It's just that it's different to surf alone. Even though surfing is a solitary act by nature ;).

Today I talked myself into paddling out after Tim had taken his turn. I gingerly and shallowly negotiated the reef. I aligned myself to the right of the only other surfer in the water. I perused the murky water (you know, for sharks?! -- yeah, I'm a freak). And praised God! Just because I could. The waves were pretty decent. I was starting feel bold. And peaceful.

Then. And it was a quick then. The talented young surfer girl beside me decided to paddle in. What?! Please don't go I silently wished. My nerves washed right back. Seriously. The water was murky, the reef was dense (and sharp), the tide was low, and I was alone. Yeeeaaaahhhhhh.... all I could think about was my four working limbs. It sure doesn't help that Soul Surfer just opened in theatres...

I know, I know...I've just gotta face it. I've gotta stick it out, suck it up, etc... Actually, I wish I woulda stayed in da water. Talk about a prime set of circumstances: nice clean waves and no one to compete with! I would have had all the rides I wanted. Ay... I'm so conflicted! And the thing is, I really do trust that God's got me...when I'm on land and when I'm in the water.

So I'm telling you all...next time. And I'll tell you how it goes! I want to be courageous. I need to be courageous. Both with surfing and with life.

Anyway, Blakely digs the beach and is always a trooper. Today she got especially sandy and wet. She ended up like this: